How do I balance this life?

If i'm spending all of my day teaching my kids, cooking for my kids, cleaning for my kids, driving my kids around, studying for my kids, baking with my kids, reading to my kids, and then having them sleep on my arm at the last of the night at 10:30pm when I want to go to sleep myself, because they are up until their father comes home, where is there any time for me?  I want to study for them, and understand homeschooling better...but there's no time!!!  I'm so glad to be with them, because this is one of my goals as a home teacher, but i'm also finding it challenging to have time to myself, or time with my husband alone, or time to do research and studying to improve our learning environment.  Along with all of that, there's still a heavy grief of my loss sitting on my heart, that sometimes makes me unable to move.  The alternative of putting them into the local school is absolutely not an option.  I am not going to subject myself to the hectic schedule that they demand and then wind up in the hospital again from stress, absolutely not.  What do i do?....this time dilemna is one of the reasons i'm not writing on my blog very much....no time!  Along with that, the grief of our loss of our son and the loss of my fertility is weighing heavy on my heart everyday.  This is adding to much confusion in my mind.