Oh Where Oh Where Could my BABY be?

I'm stuck in the middle of a dilemna.  After having lost my baby to tragic circumstances and not being able to carry anymore unless I put my own life and the baby's at risk, I'm left to make a quick decision about surrogacy.

My hubby and I have been learning about surrogacy for the last 2 1/2 months and have found that there are no surrogates interested in carrying a baby for someone who already has two healthy children, no matter what their circumstances are.  We've also learned that it's VERY expensive.  About 50K or so.


So after signing up with a few surrogacy related sites and posting some ads, we've talked with MANY people and have found the women out there who want to be surrogates all have such incredibly open hearts.  We have also found a very special person who IS willing to carry a baby for  US!!

Here's the catch, she's on the other side of the country.  This would be no problem for us if we had the money sitting in the bank saying to us: SPEND ME.  But we don't.  We've got some, enough to get the process started, but not enough with out having to use credit.  Yep you read it right!  Credit.  that big bad ugly word, we all hate.

You know, credit isn't all that bad, it's helped us start our business and it's helped us pay for our groceries when there weren't any, it's helped us get the kids to school and it's helped us put gas in our vehicles.  I'm just tired of having to use it.  I guess I'm still young and by the time I'm a little more grey, it won't matter anymore how much credit I've used, especially if was for having the opportunity to have a child of our own.

So what do we do now?  Do we say to ourselves, "be happy with what God has already given you, and move on pouring out love to the two little girls that you have in your arms."  OR "Ready, set, go!  Let's go for it with a surrogate and try to have another baby and fill the empty place that's in our hearts and arms.  Let's use what ever credit we must and pay for it for the rest of our lives if that's what it takes to have another baby to love."

I know that some people would say "You're lucky to have the two you do have, some people don't even have one kid!"  But my rebuttle is "That doesn't minimize the fact that our hearts have always desired to have 4 children, and my heart and arms have been waiting for 4 years for the next little one to come along."

I just wish i had some more time.  I've just recently dove into a new business venture in hopes to make some money for a surrogate, but i didn't think it was going to take the investment that it has, so in reality, today i'm a little further behind than i want to be.

But here's my positive note:   I'm aiming to break even by the time the summer is over, God is good, He won't leave me high and dry.  And, where there's a will there's a way!  I know God will provide a way for us... a much less stressful way...and maybe a little more time.

Anyone want to donate?????  Can i put pay pal on this blog so that you can donate to the baby fund?
lmk
Peace
Julie