Sitting next to a pregnant woman

Tonight I saw a woman who was VERY pregnant. Not only did i see her, I sat next to her at a bridal shower party I went to. In all honesty the first thing hat went through my mind was 'oh great, a pregnant woman is here, I avoid pregnant women, now what do I do?' I got up from my seat and deliberately walked away where I wouldn't notice her.

Then all the guests sat together around the coffee table so the presents could be opened and where did my seat end up landing? Right across from her. So now I have a full view of her very pregnant belly. Can't escape. Can't move seats, there are no more. Now what. Just gonna have to sit and focus on the bride not the pregnancy.

From the corner of my eye I saw her stoke her belly lovingly and thought 'I don't want to see this...because I can't have it... I want to be her.' Then more gentle touches from mama to baby as the night progressed, and I saw from the corner of my eye to a slight turn of my head to looking at her belly for longer lengths of time.

My heart changed along with my glances. As I saw this caring mother caress her unborn baby, I began feeling uneasy, to feeling light twinges of awe, to open wonderment and love. My heart softened and the agony for longing for my own child slowly sloughed off and wonder and amazement began to grow. Like a flower that starts of as a bud and as the sun and rain both fall the bud begins to grow and blossoms into a beautiful flower everyone can enjoy. Thats how I felt tonight. I thought in my quietness 'wow, there's a baby in there. A life. A real person.' It was the beginning of seeing the wonderful miracle that pregnancy is, without the sadness. Thank you Lord.

As I drove home and spent time alone with the Lord I gave to Him the burdens in my heart. There are many burdens. Many.

My Lord my God, take my stress, I'm trying to make decisions on my own and debate what the right decision is to make for a very important part of my life. Please make the path clear for me and John and remove the stress that surrounds it. Amen'
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Right after I typed out this prayer, the Lord gave me this in my head: "My chid My plans are not to harm you but to prosper you to give you a hope and a future."